


So Bad At Being In Love

by daughterofthesky



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Crushes, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, High School, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Songwriting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:32:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughterofthesky/pseuds/daughterofthesky
Summary: Han Jisung has been in love a thousand times. Every time he falls, it’s just a mere crush, not very significant, not very life-changing. After all, he’s a hopeless romantic and being in love is in his nature. But then he meets new student Seo Changbin and falls hard, like he’s never been in love before. This new love is a turning page in his life. So, he asks his best friend, popular Hwang Hyunjin to fake date him to get closer to him. Where will this lead him? Will his plan eventually work?





	So Bad At Being In Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiminseong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiminseong/gifts).



> i rewrote this fic at least 5 times so i hope y'all are satisfied with the final result cause i sure am!!! i hope you, my recipient, like this work! it was super difficult for me to write this for several reasons: first of all, i never write fluff — i never write just fluff, so writing a whole one shot just with fluff was hard cause there were times i wanted to incorporate angst and couldn't so i had to replot this a couple of times. what can i say? im an angsty writer, i always write angst. also, it's my first time writing binsung and i wanted it to be perfect, i always loved the ship (it's one of my favorite ones) so i really pressured myself :/ it was also intended to be longer but i ran out of time unfortunately. still, im happy with the final result and i hope you guys are too !

"So let me get this straight, you want to fake date me to get closer to him?"

Jisung smiles, a pesky grin on his face: he is one step closer to convincing his best friend. Just a bit more and soon his plan will work. Or Hyunjin will hate him forever, either way it's worth a shot.

"If you’re so interested in him, why don’t you just talk to him? Ask him out."

Jisung shakes his head, highly unsatisfied. Fear invades the idea. “What if he says no? I don’t think I could show up to school anymore.”

Hyunjin relents, unsure of where his best friend's plan will take him. He's not sure he wants to be a part of it. "What makes you think that by dating me he'll look at you?"

"You're popular, _everyone_ looks at you," he says, and knows he's not wrong. "If everyone looks at you, then they'll look at me too. _He'll_ look at me."

"That's a weird way of catching the attention of your crush," he says, followed by a giggle. "Besides, you never know if you never try."

"That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said."

First day back from summer break and Jisung’s eyes have already landed on someone they shouldn’t — _so_ typically Jisung. Someone who is unknown and exotic and nothing like Jisung has ever seen before, someone out of the ordinary and that has completely fallen from the sky. Still, he is convinced it’s not love at first sight; he says this feeling is different, _new_ , just like the student. He’s unlike anyone Jisung has ever fallen for, and he’s fallen in love plenty of times, too much for his own liking. It’s different, he knows. Yet his eyes fall back on him every time he’s around, whether he’s eating lunch or reading in the library or walking past him in the halls or looking for something in his locker, which is dangerously close to Jisung’s. It’s undeniable how attracted he is to the stranger, how magnetic his eyes are when he sees him and can’t stop staring. Despite being a hopeless romantic, Jisung is in uncharted territory for the first time in his life and doesn’t know how to react to the unfamiliarity of this feeling.

It was in the shower where he got the idea. It still sounds as wild and far fetched in real life as it sounded in his head last night. It's bizarre but he's sure it'll make him closer to him — after all, he crafted it and planned it to perfection. The only thing stopping him from being with his crush is his best friend; he just needs him to agree to help him. And by helping he means fake dating him, of course.

“How come he’s new and already sits with you guys?” he huffs. How unfair! “It hasn’t even been a week since he arrived, just barely a day!”

“He is friends with Chan, their parents know each other,” Hyunjin explains without giving out too much detailed information. Still, it’s enough for Jisung to feel dissatisfied: he wants to know more.

“How is he already so privileged to be sitting with the popular guys?” he asks, but it’s more of an internal thought. Hyunjin stares back at him blankly. “No one has ever done that before.”

“No one has ever tried.”

Jisung tsks. He knows better: no one would attempt to sit in such privileged place. It would surely feel like eating lunch up there with the gods. They’re too perfect, too pristine, too looked up on. Too much responsibility of keeping an image, in a way. And maybe they all should keep it that way, because not everyone can be submitted to popularity. Not everyone can manage to deal with it to such perfection like them anyways.

Yet Jisung’s best friend is one of the most popular people in school. Jisung and Hyunjin have been best friends since forever. They were raised like brothers, as neither of them have any of their own. Plus, they are neighbors and playing outside in either garden when they were kids had opened up worlds of adventures and sharing hours until the sun set, until they had to unwillingly drift apart. Even though they are rarely seen together in school, everyone knows of their everlasting friendship. It is not something either of them deny or try to hide or is ashamed of; they are simply in other social groups, that’s all.

They are different despite their strong bond though. Hyunjin is cheerful and honest and caring (and popular) and pretty much like an angel in every way; he is loved by everyone who has a chance to meet him. Who wouldn’t like him? He’s the perfect son with the perfect grades and a perfect social life! Jisung, on the other hand, is shy and socially awkward and an introvert, closing the doors to his self to everyone except Hyunjin and a couple of his friends at school. No one would ever want to be him. He is very thoughtful and quiet when his best friend is not around, when he is an environment he doesn’t feel comfortable in. Yet his mind is recklessly loud more than half of the times: he has a talent for songwriting and music in general, and he uses that talent to cease the buzzing in his mind. Jisung has showed a few writings to Hyunjin: he only cares about his approval. He even dedicated a few songs to him here and there, but there was not too much to it; he was just grateful for his existence. For their friendship.

Still, it would be a lie if Jisung denied having fallen in love with Hyunjin at some point in his life. Who could deny Hyunjin’s handsomeness? He is a prince from head to toes, from his coal combed hair parted sideways and his broad shoulders and fair skin that resembles porcelain to him and undeniable good build up body down his legs that seem to be longer than anyone else’s. But in truth, it had only been a mild crush and never developed into anything more than deep appreciation. And Jisung just learned to accept the fact he wasn’t destined to be with him but be his long-life friend. And he is fine with that.

“What are you going to do tomorrow? You’re head over heels in love with that guy.” Jisung notices disappointment in his tone. He wants Jisung to muster up the courage he hides inside and confess to him but knows he won’t, at least not yet. Hyunjin knows his best friend too well.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, doubtful. He hasn’t stopped thinking about him all day. He remembers the way he looked yesterday when he first saw him walking down the hallway towards him — or more like walking towards his class which was thankfully not the same as Jisung’s. Jisung remembers the way his eyes gleamed with the warm morning sunlight and how nonchalant he looked, how _serene_ he was despite the nervousness of being a new student. He remembers the calmness of his aura, the sweetness of his smile which is still unreal to Jisung: how exquisite he looks when he smiles, when he giggles, when he's happy. He’s so painfully out of reach. It feels like they’re on different continents, worlds and that no matter how much the tries, the distance between them keeps getting wider and wider and soon he won’t be able to see him at all. “I don’t know how long this crush will last.”

“Hey,” Hyunjin says, patting his back. “At least it’s good to know you’re finally over Minho.”

 _Lee Minho_. He hadn’t thought about him all day. A jock, a popular guy. Hyunjin's friend. Colors sprung from the grass when he heard that name. Flowers bloomed, and sun shined when he thought of him. Jisung’s previous crush has been someone he can never be with. The person he’s had the longest crush for, the one he always thought he would have a crush on. He didn’t do anything about it though; never asked him out, never talked to him despite unsuccessful attempts. It has eaten him alive, this guilt of trying but failing, of having such strong feelings but being frightened of screwing things up. It is a curse to be himself because he is shy and scared and never does anything about his crushes on people. It hurts him to know that there are people out there basking in love and sharing their feelings while Jisung is trapped in the fear of rejection.

“I never said I was over him.”

And now there is a new crush in his life, one that is sweet and innocent and _new_. It makes Jisung feel joyous again, it makes him feel human. He likes being in love despite being so bad at it. And he loves this feeling because it’s like basking in never-ending sunshine and eating chocolate and never getting tired of the flavor cause every time he eats it feels new and it is still as delicious as the first time. He is so different from Minho, yet he is the same: they both bring him heartache. But this time, he somehow knows it will lead somewhere. Even so, the uncertainty and fear of rejection haunt him to the core.

“I think it’s good that you like him,” Hyunjin says suddenly, catching him off guard. He doesn’t look back at the mixed confusion in Jisung’s face: he’s staring at the sky as the sun sets over the horizon, staining the sky with a pink color. Soon the whole sky will be black and there will be nothing but stars shining in the dark. Jisung adores walking home from school with him. Sometimes they’re all he looks forward to. They have been doing this for a very long time and a part of Jisung wishes they could do this forever. But then college will come and blow away all the time they spend together now and will get into their heads and tear them apart because time is their enemy. Jisung doesn’t want things to change: he is afraid of facing the future and facing _change_. Nonetheless, they still have one more year before it all breaks away. He still has a whole year to figure out what he wants to do with his life and who he wants to become.

“Why?”

They keep walking down the street towards their homes. Their small town is peaceful and quiet. He can see the sea over the horizon, its waves crashing softly onto the sand. He finds joy in the peacefulness, in the calm before the storm.

“It’s healthy,” he says, before adding. “I think being in love is healthy, it does you good.”

"Does that mean you agree?" he asks, but doesn't want to be too pushy. He sends him a warm glance.

"I never said that," he opposes. "Besides, your plans don't always work." He grumbles, rolling his eyes. "In fact, not a single one has worked."

Yet he is not wrong, as he never is: Jisung’s talent is definitely _not_ coming up with ways of getting closer to people, especially those he develops a crush for.

“You don’t know anything,” he defends himself, still knowing it’s a lost cause. “Some have worked...” He glances at his friend, who is pressing his lips with a slight frown and rolling his eyes. Jisung shrugs, “Some- _ish_. Besides, I _can_ make him fall in love with me, right?" Jisung muses: there was insecurity glimmering in his eyes. There was fear, _uncertainty_.

"Not if he thinks I'm dating you," he states. Jisung's plan has a lot of holes and Hyunjin is partially convinced it won't work, as none of his plans ever work out. There was something different about this one though; maybe it was Jisung's enthusiasm that replaced the nervousness and insecurity of the previous plans. “There’s no way we’re gonna do that, sorry my friend,” he dismisses, patting his back. Jisung pouts in reply, faking a cry. “Don’t make me say it twice,” he warns, but there isn’t half the seriousness there should be. He relaxes into a lopsided smile.

Jisung gives Hyunjin a sly leer, his mind already coming up with a plan to "voluntarily" convince him to help: he takes this opportunity of weakness and distraction to tackle him to the ground and hop on his back, giggling satisfactorily. Hyunjin huffs, rolling his eyes but laughs right after, used to his friend’s childishness and silliness. Eventually, he gives in.

 

 

 

 

The next day they enter the school holding hands and the buzz begins. He’s sure everyone will be talking about them in lunch and break and in between classes and even inside the class as well. This is what happens when a nobody dates a popular guy, what happens when a nobody becomes someone. He’s gonna be the center of gossip and the center of attention and frankly he doesn’t mind. He looks forward to it, he looks forward to _him_ talking about Jisung and _wanting_ to be with him, just like people are towards the populars. His plan will surely work, he is betting on it. Plus, they’ll be sharing lunch and there’s nothing he looks forward to the most than sitting next to him and getting to know the owner of his heart.

Hyunjin is hesitant about the situation of fake dating his best friend even if he doesn't let it show. He is eager to help Jisung draw closer to his crush, and he sincerely doesn’t care about his reputation. He wants to see him succeed, to get a boyfriend and be happy like he deserves, like he never got the chance to. Besides, it’s their last year of school before college and they both want to make it as memorable as possible. What will be more unforgettable than fake dating your best friend in hopes he finally has a love life? Still, he doesn’t know the mess he got himself into. He won’t regret it, as Jisung’s happiness is his own. Even so, he fears Jisung's plan won't work and that he'll have to glue the pieces of his broken heart back together. Will he even learn how to love again?

Hyunjin knows he made the right decision when Jisung's smile widens upon his crush's arrival to their lunch table. Jisung sits in the privileged table with the populars. Oh, the benefits of dating a popular! He is more outgoing than he thought he would be and is not as shy and introvert as he usually is in uncharted territory — maybe it’s because Hyunjin is there with him, and he always makes him feel safe. He hopes he doesn’t screw up and make an embarrassment out of himself, especially in front of his crush. He makes his way through the crowd and rounded cafeteria tables and takes a seat just besides _him_ , who alerts his presence with a warm smile. He takes a look at Minho in front of him, and even though he knows he still feels something for him deep down inside, the butterflies have diminished in quantity. Now it just feels like a single butterfly is flying around his stomach, while he looks at his new crush and the butterfly multiplies by a thousand. He doesn't know if he's glad or sad.

Jisung's eyes fall on him like a magnet. He remembers the calmness and sweetness of adventure, of being new, how it makes him feel, like he wants to reach out to him and talk but doesn't know how: he doesn't have the right words, the right actions. _Get a grip, Han Jisung!,_ he thinks to himself, like he always does before he screws things up. To his surprise, the stranger talks first.

"Hi, I'm Changbin," he says, but it sounds like a choir of angels. Changbin’s smile widens, and Jisung feels like he is looking at the sun, his smile flashing a thousand different sun rays darted towards him. He feels warm and, for a whole moment, Jisung thinks he's talking to someone else, like there is no way such angelical presence has directed his focus on him. But, he's the only one at the table he has yet to meet, after all, he met Woojin, Chan and Minho, — along with his best friend — yesterday, while he was gazing lovingly at him from the other side of the cafeteria.

"H-Hi, I'm Jisung," he stammers, nervous. For the first time in his life, he wishes he wasn't there. A blush makes its way on his face and his cheeks burn. He can't stop staring at his hazel eyes, and how he unknowingly drowns in them. They're such a beautiful shade! He wants to look at him forever. The dark-haired boy is a tad shorter than him and he looks oddly cute with his round-framed specs. Maybe Jisung has fallen in love with the nerdy type.

But someone's voice snaps him back to reality, and breaks what seemed like a connection — perhaps it's just Jisung's imagination. "How long has this,” Chan says, pointing at Jisung and breaking the few moments of eye contact between them, “been going on?”

“Not long,” Hyunjin replies, which isn’t a lie at all. Jisung blushes at the thought of what happened that very same morning: he felt Changbin's stare from the other side of the hallway as he made his way to his locker, hands intertwined with Hyunjin. Still, Hyunjin keeps fiddling with his noodles, unbothered, unaware of his friend's reaction. It's like he doesn't mind, doesn't care much about the topic.

Jisung smiles to himself, remembering the way Changbin looked yesterday with his cute glasses and embarrassing 'new guy' smile. He wishes someday he could be the reason for his happiness and the reason behind his smile. Is Changbin made of honey? How is it possible that he’s sweet and charming all in one?

Changbin seems to notice his smile, because he looks at Jisung and slumps his shoulders, a pout crossing his lips. No one else seems to notice the behavior except Jisung, who doesn't understand what's the matter with him.

Lunch break is over faster than he would've wanted. Soon, Changbin, Minho, Woojin, Chan and even Hyunjin are out of his sight and he finds himself sitting in class, looking at equations he doesn't understand on the blackboard — maybe he should pay more attention in class. He wants to see him again, to have Changbin in his class so that he could gaze at him forever and get lost in his hazel eyes — he wouldn't want to do anything else.

 

 

 

 

Jisung finds tranquility in his school's rooftop: that's where he goes to write when he's inspired, using the excuse of going to the bathroom or faking a fever. It's like his own secret, like a hideaway. He loves looking over their small town and cloud-gazing and getting lost in thoughts. From the roof, he can see their tiny beach and the waves crashing onto the sand, and he can feel the wind coming through his hair and tousling it. That's why the inspiration seems eternal up there.

Nonetheless, Jisung wishes this wouldn't be the only place he could come to when he is inspired. He loves music after all, and after finishing school at the end of this school year he wishes to become a music teacher, or a producer, anything related to what brings him the most joy in this world. Still, he loves songwriting the most; he feels like it’s the only thing he’s good at, besides choosing best friends like Hyunjin. He wishes he could get better, to exploit this talent of his to the fullest, and even though he's terrified of change and what finishing school will be like, he can't wait to dedicate his life to what he loves the most. He'll miss seeing Hyunjin everyday. He'll miss having the privilege of looking at his crush everyday as well, despite not missing the feeling of pity and remorse towards not doing anything to get closer to them.

He leans against the fence surrounding the borders of the roof and begins writing, hand scribbling faster and faster and hand getting stained with fresh ink:

 

_you are a good soul,_

_an old soul,_

_you are coffee stains on typewriting paper_

_and watching sunsets on the bed_

_you are love letters and a bouquet of red roses_

_you are heart-shaped chocolates and valentine cards_

_i'm waiting for you to be gifted to me._

 

"That's beautiful," a voice in front of him says: he was too focused on writing he failed to notice someone making its way towards him and peeping at his crumpled paper. Almost instantly, he flinches, drawing the paper away and hiding it against his chest. He raises his head and his eyes fall on Changbin's hazel ones. "I didn't mean to intrude you," he assures with an awkward smile. He bites his lip immediately after, as if afraid of Jisung's reaction.

"It's fine," he says, voice hoarse. He clears his throat. "It's not important anyways."

"Is that for Hyunjin?" he asks, sitting down beside him. Somehow, his eyes are still on his.

Jisung doesn't answer: he doesn't want to lie to him. He doesn't want to tell him he's behind the inspiration either. "It's awful."

A part of him can't believe that he's actually engaging in a conversation with his crush. The other side is just numb. "It's not," he says, and something inside of Jisung eases off. He liked his work! "I really like it."

 _It's for you!,_ he wants to scream, but doesn't. What would he think, that he's a creep? "Thanks." He doesn't know how to keep the conversation going, as he doesn't want to end it there: he could listen to his voice forever. "I don't really show what I write to other people," he confesses, lopsidedly smiling.

"Sorry," he apologizes, and before Jisung can reply, he says, "I write, too."

"You do?"

Changbin nods, a smile rising in his face. He looks proud. "Maybe someday I'll show you one."

"I would love that," he says, and means it. Someday he wishes Changbin could write something solely for him, just like he's doing.

 

 

 

 

They meet at the rooftop at least twice a week, and Jisung loves how close he's getting to him. He now possesses knowledge about him, like his favourite colour is black, he writes about life experiences and that he doesn't, in fact, have a boyfriend.

"How many times have you been in love?"

"Just once," he says, and gazes over at the horizon. His hair dances in the wind and he looks ethereal, like an angel. Serene, like the first time he ever saw him. "I was waiting for something to happen."

 _I was waiting for someone like you to come into my life._ "Me too," he says, which isn't entirely a lie either. "I am so bad at being in love," he blurts out.

"Why?"

"I've been in love a lot of times but I never do anything about these crushes. I suck at being in love," he confirms. He doesn't look at Changbin's mixed expression on his face.

"Whatever is meant to stay will find its way."

It makes Jisung feel better, and he smiles at Changbin, the thousand butterflies flying around in his stomach.

 

 

 

 

"I can't believe you're doing this to me."

Jisung laughs at him, closing his eyes and taking his hands to his stomach. "Stop being such an actor."

"You're breaking my heart," he continues, faking a pout and a cry. He grabs his chest and acts heartbroken, both hands on his heart. "You're breaking up with me."

That same afternoon while walking home with Hyunjin, and after assuring that his plan indeed worked, he decides that he doesn't need to continue faking the relationship with him.

"It's been a pleasure fake dating you, Hwang Hyunjin," he bows jokingly. A smile draws on his face.

"The pleasure has been all mine, Han Jisung," he replies, returning the smile.

 

 

 

 

The next time he meets Changbin is the very next day, up in the rooftop, _their_ new hideaway. By then, people at the school have already noticed that "hyunsung", their shipname, isn't a thing anymore, to no one's surprise — they knew that a popular could never last with someone from a different social status. That afternoon, there's an emotion in Changbin's eyes he didn't notice before in any other crush: excitement. Changbin is filled with glee to be with Jisung, to spend time with him and talk and just enjoy each other's company. It makes Jisung feel  _wanted,_ and he hasn't felt this way since Hyunjin became popular and left him aside and joined a clique he didn't belong in.

 

_Your love is my turning page,_

_Only the sweetest kiss remains_

_Imprinted on one of the chapters_

_At the end._

 

"I love it," he says, taking a look at the brand new lyrics Jisung wrote. He stays a few moments like that, just rereading the words and making it a part of him. "I think I've fallen in love with you," he says, voice soft and barely a whisper, as if those words weren't meant to see the light; his eyes are still on the paper, afraid of raising his sight and find that Jisung doesn't feel the same way.

"I think I have, too," he replies, to Changbin's surprise. But, in truth, he's loved him all along. "Your love is my turning page." He can now look at a future and see Changbin there, reading his lyrics and giving him feedback on them. He can look at a future and be unafraid of being lonely forever. He smiles, cupping Changbin's face and gazing at those hazel eyes he loves so much. He pecks him chastely, softly, quickly, afraid to let the moment slip away. Changbin kisses him back, closing his eyes and letting the moment consume them.

"There are millions of people in the world and somehow the only one I've fallen for is you," he says, after Jisung pulls him apart slowly. Jisung smiles, holding his hand and standing up, ready to run. "Where are we going?" he asks confused, yet Jisung detects excitement in his voice. Jisung doesn't let go of his hand, and begins running, making his way down the set of stairs, out the rooftop and out of the school.

"Anywhere," Jisung says, panting. They run down the streets, leaving the school behind them — he wants to take Changbin to the beach. "The world is ours!" he screams, thinking that for the first time in his life he doesn't care about anything else but Changbin. He doesn't care about the trouble he'll have about skipping classes nor how his grades will surely drop. After all, he loves the calm before the storm.

And still, Jisung will discover that falling in love and dating in real life is more exciting and life-changing and thrilling and exhilarating than fake dating, than anything he's ever known before.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it :)  
> kudos/comments are always appreciated !


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